It’s a little-known fact that the Maldives is home to the world’s dumbest stalker. His name is Rasheed*.

A couple of weeks ago, my girlfriend was walking home at night, listening to her iPod, when a stranger came up behind her and asked for her phone number.

My girlfriend hadn’t heard him, so she pulled her earphones out and he asked her again. By this time, she had reached the front gate and locked him out.

About 10 minutes later, the home phone began to ring. The national phone carrier here, Dhiraagu, will give you the phone number for any address you give them. It won’t, however, allow you to block calls from certain numbers or provide a “call return” service. He probably had to try about four different numbers to get our flat, and he kept on calling it until very late into the night.

The stalker seemed to lose interest for a while, after I answered his phone call a few weeks back. But a few nights ago, someone called and asked to speak to “the lady”.

Stalker: “Can I speak to the lady, please?”

Me: “I’m sorry, who is this?”

Stalker: “Can I speak to the lady, please?”

Me: “What is your name?”

Stalker: “My name is Rasheed, can I speak to the lady please?”

Me: “Umm, Rasheed, do you know my wife’s name?”

Rasheed: “No, can I speak to the lady?”

Me: “Umm, Rasheed, you’re really not very bright, are you? Please don’t call us again.”

* It should be said that Rasheed is not necessarily Maldivian.